AND

I ordered a fantastic print of a photo created by a really, really talented young lady named Madeline. This is what I ordered:


Here is the link to her stuff:
http://www.etsy.com/profile.php?user_id=5098586

Buy stuff!

lessons in, on, and around escapism.

It's snowing in Brooklyn.

How fancy is that?

So... I have a weird feeling in my stomach. I can't pinpoint what, exactly it is; or how, exactly to deal with it. But I feel like I need to go soon. From New York, I mean. And move somewhere far, far away. I've always felt like I came here because this is where you come when you move off of Long Island (if you're of my alternative persuasion, of course)... and now I'm pretty sure it's time to move on. New York is not built for someone like me. It turns people inside out and makes it hard to relate to them in ways that are unspoken and important. It amazes me how standing in the midst of 40 or so people crammed into a subway car elbow-to-elbow feels more lonely than sitting alone in my apartment organizing my itunes. And sure, you know, everyone here feels the same way... but it's not something I can do forever; I can hardly wrap my brain around doing it for now.

As a child I remember holding on to things too long. Letting my emotions run the gamut on my insides; carving out little pieces of my circulatory system so that every heartbeat was a reminder of the joy/pain/sadness/contentedness I felt on a daily basis. And I thought that when I moved away from that godforsaken mass of gated communities that I would blossom into something or someone a little less like the dictionary definition of a person and a little more like joan of arc. But leaving the walls of my hometown behind proved more difficult than I thought, and I never quite managed to move out of the home inside my heart. But I've made it thus far, soon to be 25. And you know I've never needed a savior; I just require company. In exchange for unconditional love and the insurmountable ability to understand I would just like to talk.

But like I said, talking isn't bred in a city built like this. And that, I suppose, is out of my hands.

I'm tired.

I start my management training at work next week.
The descent begins.

long time gone.

So I'm back from a hiatus of sorts. I don't really know why I took one, but I'm glad it's over. I think the holiday tension, good or bad, put my writing skills on hold to make space for other more or less intense emotions to take over me, myself, and I.

This past Christmas ended up being better than any Christmas I can remember; maybe not as good as those of my early childhood... but better than any in the last decade, for sure. This New Years was also one of the more fun New Years I've spent in my adult body. Hanging out with friends, making out with boyfriends in bars at the stroke of midnight, eating pizza in the back rooms of bars in Williamsburg, bouncing from one gay bar to the next. Fun times.

I'm going to write another post soon, one about life and work and whatnot. I just need to ease my fingers back into working. Me and Ryan are eating soup and watching movies at the moment. But for now I will leave you with pictures of my new computer, my new camera, and my fancy new in-progress hairstyle via the webcam built-in to said fancy new computer. When it's ready to expose itself I'll be sure to post more pictures.

Fancy new computer:




Fancy new camera:





Fancy new hair: