Tuesday, February 10, 2009

birthday birthday birthday.

And then I was 26.

Diving right on in, my birthday dinner last night was fantastic. Sometimes I have a really hard time hanging out with my friends. I know it’s some sort of social anxiety that I should really examine, but for now it is what it is… so when I reach out and really try to surround myself with people it’s a big deal for me. And I’m proud of myself. I don’t just feel good about having people with me on my birthday, I feel good about letting go of whatever it is that keeps me from surrounding myself with people that I care about. Being out with people was different this time; I realized that no matter how I mistreat myself or others there are still people who are willing to fit my life into theirs. I love(d) it.

The end of the night was not what I expected it to be, but I think the unexpected situations in life are the ones that make everything else seem more real, more poignant, and more special. Sometimes things get hairy but I know now that the life I lead isn’t one I'd trade for any other. I think I was built to flounder and then flourish; and at some point I’m sure the trials of youth will subside and I will emerge on top and more together than I ever imagined. But the ups and downs that have salt and peppered my life are tiny examples of the bad, better, and best of what I used to be, and maybe the wonder that awaits me.

I feel better about 26 than I did about 25. I think the importance of the number weighs heavily on people. 25 is supposed to be a landmark age, it’s a tool of measurement, and increment of time, it’s a form of currency. It’s a relief to be 26. Now I feel that all I have to live up to is my own desires and responsibilities. I want 2009 to be about the growing out that comes with growing up. I want it to be about friends and friendship; I need to sort out my relationships. The last two days have showed me that Ryan Pfluger is one of the most important people that I’ve ever known, and that Ryan Hill is nothing less than a miracle; and that he has saved my life in more ways than I can explain in more ways than I can count. These are things I need to remember. These are things I need to keep. I can’t let people suffer because of my misgivings. I forgot how special people can be. And now I remember.

I spent my birthday the exact way I’d like to spend it. I slept in and got some much needed rest. I played videogames with my best friend, hanging out has become a sort of lifeblood. I ventured into NYC; met my boyfriend and a lemon tart. He bought me a dark gray wing, one to compliment his silver one. We are two different halves of a very perfect pair. We don’t match at all, but we certainly go together. He bought me a shirt that costs more than a third of my wardrobe put together. I said I wanted to rework my wardrobe this year and instantly he put me on that path. That is the kind of person that you never know how to thank. But I will try. We came home and ate macaroni and cheese, cupcakes, tarts, and brownies. Bonnie and Caitlin came over and we watched Will and Grace, RuPaul's Drag Race, Chelsea Lately, and Gossip Girl. The perfect end to a wonderful evening.

Videogames, books, brownies, dinner, and cupcakes abound;
so far 26 feels alright.
I am looking forward to the way that things could be.

Oh, and this is what I want next year click this link

And if you want to help a nerd realize his true potential then you should click this link right here

gossip girl.

1 comment:

Keisha Kornbread said...

Happy Birthday!! Hope it was everything you dreamed it would be!!

slick girls and sick boys.

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Brooklyn, New York, United States
I do not approve of clapping or snapping fingers. ever.